where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
