Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dear god my vagina.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize