im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
