her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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