Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
