textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize