pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
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she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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