he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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