ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
