great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
