Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
