It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Enjoy the penises
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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