I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize