OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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