Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
