I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
