All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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