Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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