I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
