I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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