And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
