There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
