Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need water and some morals
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
