Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We're too hungover to prance.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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