Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
