He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
