the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
