woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
