let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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