yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
