I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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