Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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