This dress was meant to end up on your floor
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
