You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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