so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
