You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
