Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
