I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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