Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
