I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
