i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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