I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize