I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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