Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
