peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
