Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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