so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish my penis had a tongue
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
