who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
