just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
