So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
