whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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