How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
