mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
