Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
