Screwed.edu
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
