I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he thought i was a dude.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
