Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
