If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
