All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
