at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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