THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
