Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
