I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
