for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
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Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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