I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
