How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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