Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
