do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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