my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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