Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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