Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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