You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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