I faked an abortion last night.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
