i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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